Friday, January 18, 2008

Tear Jerker

Jaidean (Teagun's mom) posted this on her site and man was I crying yesterday when I read this...I have been experiencing a lot of these same emotions as we get closer to the delivery of Baby can I possibly love another child as much as I love Teeghun...but after reading this she helped me to see that you not only love another one but you are giving them a great gift. Thanks Jaidean for shining new light on all these emotions I am feeling!!!

A Tear-Jerker
I walk along holding your almost 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you? Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," Knowing in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two. There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the look between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply. I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown


M/G said...

Wow, that's good!! I'm feeling the same way every now and then although Anna is sooooo into babies that I think it'll be a treat for her at least in the beginning. She's starting to become a daddy's girl which is a blessing as he'll be doing more with her once the baby arrives as I just won't be able to. How I'll miss just her and I but how much more complete and blessed I'll feel with another child. All these emotions are just too much! :0)

Heather said...

I went through this same thing before I had Elijah. I'd look at Grace and wonder how in the world I was ever going to love another child? I talked to Mom about this and in all of her wisdom, and having 4 kids, she told me this: "Heather, your heart doesn't have to make room for another child. Your heart grows bigger each time!". It is totally, absolutely true! Having 3 now, it's just amazing how much love your heart can hold! :O)

Jaidean said...

I love this quote that previous poster said: your heart doesn't have to make room for another child. Your heart grows bigger each time!
That is perfect! It really is ok and such a great experience. I am sitting here typing this as Teagun is talking to me and he is just making me smile - I just love him more and more each day even with Emery around! :) It is wonderful to have 2 kids!!!